And I get up there and the cop goes, Mr. His answers are crass. You can get married now if youre gay, anywhere in America, thats fine with me. Coming Soon, Regal I dont give a shit. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. And I know that a gold star lesbian is a woman whos never had any dick not once ever in her life, and Ive never had any dick not once ever in my life. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. All right, yall shut up. Anyway I was a bed-wetter, and I was mortified by it. More for how they dont have to deal with marriage. Sure, they bleed to death in the trash can when you throw them away, but theyre baby ducks. But let me tell you something, folks. Not because they try to say something funny. Youre still going to hop in that motherfucker. But for our purposes, as well as the inner workings of how show business actually still works or doesnt pay off for most comedians, the most telling part comes when White talks money. Fuck no, you have not. Fuck it. Id have peed on both of them, but one of them was too fucking high and I was like, Id piss on the wall trying to piss on that guy. It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his familys escape room outing. Sean L. McCarthy works the comedy beat for his own digital newspaper,The Comics Comic; before that, for actual newspapers. Im like, No! See production, box office & company info, Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road, The Hall: Honoring the Greats of Stand-Up, : , . What is the Spanish language plot outline for Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (2018)? I just never have. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. You cant fix stupid. Hes still having too much fun. Link to Are You There God? You and her were standing in the kitchen and looked at that lime. I know it smells like piss. [silly voice] Just lunch and a blowjob! Lady in the first show goes, Whats in it for the woman? Im like, Lunch. [high-pitched] Its just lunch. They just like to watch. Okay. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Theyre not. 1,911, This story has been shared 1,802 times. After Id been there for a little while, I found out there was one part of Hotel Street on Oahu that you go to, and these really cute girls that jump in your car and blow you for five dollars. our special coverage of the white house correspondents dinner starts right now neck . Nothing could make this better. [high-pitched] Thats all. Hes lucky I dont know where hes buried. I dont care one way or another. Fuck Rudders, uh Bone Depot, Shaft Crafters. Its just the words they say, whatever the fuck they say just cracks me the fuck up. What they do is they take these baby ducks, and they just snip the pussy lips off of em, and it takes, like, 35 baby ducks to make one taco, but it is fucking worth it, man. I dont have that kind of mirror or that kind of friend. Just lunch. I dont mean to seem ungrateful, but I got shit to do, Jeff. If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up opens with soundbites from Whites previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and fortune has changed him. And I double snotted my own fucking television. Thats what I do. Do I leave? Terms and Policies Jeff sold more comedy albumsthan Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby combined. We wont be able to verify your ticket today, but its great to know for the future. The image is an example of a ticket confirmation email that AMC sent you when you purchased your ticket. Cause there aint no goddamn women there. That guy cant drive my fucking car. I dont know if you know. Im not trying to be an asshole, and I go, Really? Apparently there were some unanswered questions in Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets. What? Theyre going to fucking know. I was doing a meet and greet the other day right after a show, this young guy goes, When my girlfriend comes back from vacation with her parents, Im going to ask her to marry me. Traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. Thats it. Montreals a gorgeous city, and the festivals are done in 20 venues all over the town, beautiful thing. Id give you half my shit right now, but I dont make up the rules.. Its almost like theres a clown there. It was about three years ago, and there were six comics in an open forum, telling stories, and this is the story that I told. Dont worry about them. I never got over it. Lets do a couple of blocks. And that was the first timeall three of us had our names on big signs in Vegas, and we went outside to look at it, and I was like, Fuck, now what? Put down that ketchup and drop that toddler. And just do a comb-over. ", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Moonage Daydream' on HBO Max, a David Bowie Biography That's More Sensual Experience than Documentary, Personality Crisis: One Night Only Finds Punk Pioneer David Johansen Recounting His Many Lives, Stream It Or Skip It: 'The Legacy of J Dilla' on FX/Hulu, Exploring The Life, Beats, And Career Of The Late Hip-Hop Hero, Stream It Or Skip It: Little Richard: I Am Everything on VOD, A Biodoc As Vibrant As Its Subject, The Peter Pan & Wendy Sea Shanty Is An Ear Worm That Will Haunt Your Dreams, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Peter Pan and Wendy' on Disney+, Director David Lowery's Lightly Visionary Disney Rehash, Where Was Peter Pan and Wendy Filmed? But it turns out, theyre great watchdogs. I dont remember. No sabemos si las ancdotas son ciertas o es todo parte de la rutina, pero sea como fuere, la balanza se inclina 3 a 0 a favor, razn por la cual tens que ver este especial ;)Hasta el prximo episodio Gracias por ver! A broom handle, a pool cue, a fucking plunger. Gag, woman, gag. So I dont have go out and party money. In the summer, I keep a bowl of limes right next to the salt shaker, and Ill just get a lime, squirt a little lime juice in there, little bit of salt, hunker down, do some pussy shots. It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. My beer is cold. And I did these shows in London, and they dont play my stuff on television in London. Ill show you dick.. If you can beat me at darts, you can take me to fucking jail, how about that? And these guys are laughing and dancing and drinking, and theyre having a fucking blast. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. Thats all you need. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction!! And I was there with a woman I couldnt stand eventually. No, this has to fucking happen. So if youre ever in Beverly Hills on Sunday night, go to the Four Seasons. If you dont know what they look like, it looks like a pug was raped by a fruit bat. 13,103, This story has been shared 7,786 times. No. The same week we were at the MGM Grand, they were at Caesars Palace, and that same weekend, Larry The Cable Guy was at the International House of Pancakes in Tucson, Arizona. You think you know tender but you really dont. They are. I ran, um I ran for president of the United States, and I dont think I won, because nobodys called and I quit watching television. This befuddled me. I may or may not be a little drunk. This one takes a bit to get going and funny, but once he starts, he keeps it going hard. Its a nickel for a hundred of em. Now Im not saying Ive never driven drunk, because Ive drank so much in my life, now on the back of my drivers license, theres a list of organs I need. Call 9-1-1 or something. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. This is also his first stand-up special since his 2011's 'A Little Unprofessional'. Turns out its a solid one. Golden Corral? I just think Chris Hemsworths the best-looking motherfucker. That little spot tastes like Skittles. Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes, Weekend Box Office Results: Super Mario Joins the Billion-Dollar Club. Black and Pecker, Peterbilt, Johnson & Johnson and Johnson. What Time Does 'Yellowjackets' Season 2, Episode 6 Air On Showtime? And undeniably funny. Hes a more believably real-life incarnation of The Beverly Hillbillies, growing up poor in dusty, rural Texas, only to strike it rich in comedy, and move in with his newest wife into a home theyve built in Beverly Hills. Sean L. McCarthy Decider. In this hour, White regales his audience with anecdotes about a young fan approaching him at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, about how he lost his virginity at 18 over and over again to prostitutes, his offbeat presidential ambitions, and even how he tried to overcome his anxiety with bedwetting as a child. Im not, and its not fair to me, because Im older, Im not in that great of shape. Based in NYC but will travel anywhere for the scoop: Ice cream or news. The shit that should have never got said got said, it just spun into this big shit storm of fuck. I got to what? Dont you fucking do it. And he fucking did it! If you tilt that a little bit, you can get it through that door. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). My doctor the other day said, Ron, you cannot gain any more weight, and I said, Thats what I thought. My wifes on my ass about me taking better care of myself. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. I have sleep apnea, which keeps my wife awake. We have an all-access pass to Las Vegas, which is way better than the no-access pass we had right before that. Youre just spreading your ass cheeks, squatting into a tray of solution for a limited amount of time for a desired result. Leaves me shudder-crying. Somebody asked me to do this story. This is what this DJ says to me: Ron Every time a celebrity calls our station, we always ask the same question: If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be? And I said Living. And he tried to explain it to me. And I am an idea man, too. I would have missed the boat if I was in the porno business right there. Well, Bills doing one show at the big Forum down at Caesars, and were doing three shows a night in a smaller room. You're almost there! Ill tell you this story. And the way he found out he didnt wet the bed, is he lived in Round Rock, Texas, and I hadnt really seen him in years, and I was doing this radio station and I told that story, and he called the radio station, You fucking pissed on me? We would sit around, drink, and and talk about maybe one day, you know? That aint even kind of drunk. We walk up to this booth that only sells dildos. 3,036, This story has been shared 2,003 times. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Cause I dont have the answer to a lot of lifes questions. 7,786, This story has been shared 5,838 times. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I dont know what Im supposed to tell my fucking relatives. My pizza is done. Now she was beautiful, beautiful. Where Was 'John Mulaney: Baby J' on Netflix Filmed? Your email address will not be published. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. They all look like fucking tents. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. I do. Fuck, I dont know. By creating an account, you agree to the Fuck that. And we go out that night, it was one of the funnest nights of my life, uh We had been friends for ten years, so we were young comics together, and thats whatwe used to talk about as young comics. , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles | 27 subtitles Well, that same year my dear friend Bill Engvall, the dancer People ask me all the time, Do you think youll ever do Dancing With The Stars? Im like, Not unless something goes horribly fucking wrong., Well, that year, Bill was touring with Reba McEntire. And every year SiriusXM does a live broadcast from there. Thanks a lot. Governor Schwarzenegger helped me with that second one, so I didnt have to do that one myself, so thats good. This happened last Wednesday at The Comedy Store in LA. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Whats she doing to Wilson? You went to one of my shows, you She let you! [Ron White] You ever take a crap so big your pants fit better? [sobbing] I had nightmares about it my entire goddamn childhood. Nobody wants to be a white asshole, but everybody wants to have one all of a sudden. And Ill tell you why I didnt have a problem with it, cause I thought the number of people beating off to my image was zero. I didnt lose my virginity until I was 18 years old, and I was in the Navy stationed in San Diego, and I lost my virginity to a prostitute in Tijuana, Mexico, who was overweight,and her teeth had no general direction or color. Thats all Im saying. Theyre watchdogs. And not the fuzzy sweater, lovable slurring kind of drunk uncle, either. And right before I went on stage, I was in the green room of the main room, and they came over there and they said, Ron, they need you in the OR. I never thought anybody would fucking say that, you know? Im out of here. This is, uh This is brilliant. Ahh! And he comes up to me and goes [high-pitched] Mr. Where is Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up streaming? #Comics #Comedy #Jokes #Reaction #RonWhite #HappyNewYear #2021Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act of 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research.Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Okay, heres mine: Just lunch, and a blowjob. I told him, Dont you goddamn do it. You go anywhere in West Hollywood, theres these gigantic gay mens clubs with these huge patios. These two comics dont have any money. Moxy and her colorful friends leave Uglyville on a quest to find a kid to love. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. From the big lip to the little lip, right over the clit, tuck in the meat curtains if you got em. Lets do a big shot of tequila, you snort some cocaine off my dick and fuck me right up the butt. And they march off to the bathroom and do exactly that, exactly then, and the reason they can is theres not a woman there to go, Well, thats morally wrong and bathrooms arent near clean enough to butt-fuck in. Oh, they beg to differ. Im 61 years old now, and I know two things to be true. One, while we were building this house, my wife selected these really exotic Japanese toilets. Your email address will not be published. One anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint if you crash your car into it. You dont have to kill the baby duck to get the pussy lips off of it. A Tourists Guide to Love Filming Locations: Where Was the Rachael Leigh Cook Movie Filmed? Im all over it, dude. That aint drunk at all. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. But oddly enough, I do have a suggestion for this. She was trash drunk on red wine. After his miner grandfather's death, Pancho travels with his wife and kids to his hometown, where chaos ensues with his relatives over the inheritance. Im on the back porch of the church, eating my little sandwich, six years old, drinking my Kool-Aid. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up TV Special 2018 1h 3m IMDb RATING 6.6 /10 892 YOUR RATING Rate Play trailer 0:24 1 Video 2 Photos Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. 1,802, This story has been shared 1,410 times. [cheering and applause] Thats pretty slick. [squawk] Bites me on the fucking leg. I have no idea what color my asshole is. Just lunch. One eyehole. Because the most jacked-up cooch Ive ever seen in my life is way better looking than my ball sack. The money sadly aint much better for aspiring stand-ups in 2018 than it was some two or three decades earlier for White. Just his torso, blood coming out of it and just Chris Hemsworth kind of I dont want to pinch his nipples or anything. Im not gay, but I have these moments. Whiskey and ice cubes. And I still eat tacos, but now I only eat the baby duck pussy lip tacos that you get at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills on Sunday. Ron White has his unique way to bring his jokes, with his heavy voice abused from years of cigars and alcohol he gets your immediate attention. Yeah! And if youre all politically correct, dont worry. Coming Soon. I know this. So Ive just driven from Dallas to Sacramento to make $400. One [giggling] ..fucking eyehole. [cheering and applause] When Jeff got big enough to take somebody with him, he took me with him, which was an amazingly gracious thing for Jeff to do for me. And if youre looking for a bicycle, its a great deal. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. Now Ive never walked in the doors of this place, and I dont know exactly what theyre up to, but apparently some people are really unhappy with the color of the old bunghole. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Ron White- If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (2018) Watch HD. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up This is how the conversation ended. This is my new idea. Okay. that does it for me tonight, thanks for spending part of your saturday with us. Besides, if youre at that point in a make-out session, youre gonna do it anyway. Those were dudes? Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Quit trimming it for a year. They also say friends dont let friends drive drunk. Squirrels. I appreciate that, and Im sorry you lost your dad. He goes, I was in love with you and Id see you on television, Id pretend you were my husband and wed go out to eat, and things like that. I went, Well, thats nice of you to say, I appreciate it, very nice to meet you. He goes, I had a picture of you I used to masturbate to. Which one? Id have said, Aint nobody gonna pay to watch fat midgets fuck fat midgets. Bullshit, theres a sequel. Now I dont know if they have a color in mind when they start, or if you just bleach it and get whatever the fuck you get. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. He wants to build a wall between the US and Mexico to keep out immigrants, and I wanted to build a net between the US and Canada to keep those fucking geese out of here. RT25: Celebrating 25 years of Rotten Tomatoes. He always believed in my talent, but not my work ethic. Were just gonna have lunch. I thought about being gay one time, and I changed my mind when it came my turn. It seemed like they would give you a sack or something. Required fields are marked *. Let me show you some skills. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. I wake up the next morning with this shit hangover, and shes already making coffee, and I wake up and she goes, Whats wrong with your hand? My hand is dark orange. Im not busting on women from the Middle East. Heres what I get at three oclock in the morning when I have a six oclock flight: [whispering] Ron. Here's When It Returns With New Episodes, Drew Barrymore Halts Segment After "Severely Old" Mac and Cheese Noodle Flies off Her Desk: "It's Rock Hard". Get some Brylcreem and some dippity-do and a hair dryer. I fucking hate geese. It happened a long time ago, which doesnt fucking matter. Get married, dont get married. Not the good frozen pizza, the other fucking frozen fucking pizza, and go back to the shitty little motel they rent us, and one night a week, Id let myself rent a porno movie, and Id call this date night. Streaming October 16 on Netflix. Sorry. CatherineBridget86886758. 3,426, This story has been shared 3,036 times. Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story: Season 1, Link to Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Link to Asian-American Pacific Islander Heritage, Link to RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes.