The world could use a lot more women like you! And I know that will not send me to hell. My sweet baby, Tzeitel, my only child, went to Heaven at 8 weeks gestation, June 7, 2012. We are going to live in the akirah forever, I want to be who I truly wanted to be. My mother-in-law said it was so special to get to hold and change and love a little Linford Gene since she didnt get to with hers. At the ripe old age of 38, I did feel God move my heart to have children. I lots Jenni at 19 weeks, Hannah at 16 weeks and Austin (our first son out of 5 pregnancies at almost 17 weeks. As a general rule, you have to avoid hair treatments and products that contain chemicals like parabens, DEA or sulfates. Then after I had two more babys I lost one at 19 weeks. Thank you for sharing your story and arming us with some great ways to minister! I got pregnant again not long afterward, so even though NOTHING could replace my love for my lost baby, my spiritual and emotional healing seemed faster and easier as well. But actually, Islam teaches us about miscarriage openly and beautifully. 71175. Even my husband doesnt know what to say and says the most awful things because of that. If you do, remember not to think too hard about the shading of the test line. The baby would have been our 4th. My brothers told their kids there is another cousin in heaven and his name is Peter Bruce. I have 2 children in heaven, one born at 13 weeks and one at 7 weeks and no earthly children yet. I needed love, and for them to care about my baby. Those who blessed me most did things for me that would be done for a mom who loses an older child brought meals, flowers, called or messaged to ask how I was. Till this day I still havent had a baby. The janazah prayer is only performed on the baby that is born and shows some signs of life, e.g.crying, moving, breathing, etc. Waited years to enter in but let me tell you talk to her and let her lean on you and at the same time she will let you lean on her. And all of the older generation told us Oh, youre young; youll get pregnant again. What made it even more difficult is our niece was born not even a week before our child was born into heaven into a family that is not married or living for the Lord. My husband and I have been able to help others who have gone through miscarriage or stillbirth. Then 2 years later my family decided to take our son to Fiesta Texas to the six flags for his birthday. Our family had known we were pregnant but really didnt do anything much. I had even written the poem she used to announce they were expecting again as some in her family were not going to be happy and she wanted to quiet their comments before they started by letting them know how happy they were. A few days later, at my first prenatal, they ran tests because we were sure we had miscarried. My husband loves me and was there but he did not know how to take care of me. I am mama to two boys, one here on this earth and one in heaven. I feel like no one recognized how this was a person, a beating heart a week before. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. Better care than you could provide. We want people to acknowledge our child, we had hopes and dreams of a future that was taken from us. Everyone is different in what they find comforting, and I know people mean well when they try to comfort, but when I had recently lost both babies being told youre young, there will be more babies was the least comforting thing and hurt so much. Webwill i see my miscarried baby in jannah. It will be said: O fetus who pleads with your in Majma al-Zawaaid, 10/402; classed as saheeh by Abu Haatim in In fact, God blessed us abundantly during that experience through some friends. Thank you for such love and grace poured out in a post. The bloody water was worse than any bloody scene you see in the horror movie, it was my reality. There is no known cause or cure when you get the diagnoses. Because children are blessings, not a fix to a problem. But can I still get what I want? Thank you for this post! Jeremiah 1:5 - "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.." Absolutely he is in heaven. The Lord is with me daily, it is still very hard. The best advice I can give to you is to just be present with her. I am so, so sorry! At least the physical reminder of my loss is finally diminishing. Thank you all for sharing. No matter how early, acknowledge that the child was real and that the parents may worry about future pregnancies, dont brush it all under the carpet. Webwill i see my miscarried baby in jannah. At first I thought it was just my period. I do feel they were both cheated at times. I started nurturing my child. places, and they will not be barred from any place, as children in this She had lost 2 and almost bled to death with the first. Its so sad that people just want us to be okay so that they dont have to deal with our pain or not knowing what to say to make us feel better so they expect us to just suck it up and be happy so they can feel better. Today I prayed over her baby who will soon be born and we hugged and cried again. I am the mother to 6 children, 5 that live here and one that I can not wait to met in Heaven. I have good days and bad but I cant remember peoples names anymore like I used to. (Refer: Zawaid Ibn Majah of Allamah Busiri, pg. I felt like I could not breathe through those first few weeks, it was right before Christmas so I could not get into my OB until January. I would read one paragraph over and over again because I could not focus on the words I was reading and would forget what I had just read by the time I was done with the paragraph. I didnt know I was expecting yet and when I found out I didnt know how to tell her. Weve been grieving their loss ever since, but nobody understands that they are OUR kids, and we miss them every day. But I still wonder if I have a tiny baby in Heaven. I went through an awful year in which I miscarried 3 times in a row. I pray God will give you peace in timeand I know He will! I agree with the other moms. In fact not speaking at all is just fine. When my nephew was born, my mom posted a bajillion pictures on facebook of her first grandbaby! like mine didnt count. It took me a while to find the right doctor. But, my story goes way, way back to when I was in the womb. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. Of course not. Im so glad to have found this website!It was June that not only marked my 32nd birthday but the 5th year since my miscarriage. Or maybe the doctor was wrong. Most of us, when we find out we are pregnant, start planning. I have constantly been told I will be okay. A minor scale definition: am I missing something? Beautiful. I left a luncheon meeting I was attending and went home to bed. All I know is that God choose to take him/her home to Heaven. I would have appreciated more people acknowledging that I had lost a child. I want my jenazaah to be buried next to my mon 3. I couldnt stop beating myself up for not coming in sooner and that following mothers day no one acknowledged me . I cannot imagine the nerves. Ive got several in heaven, and I love this letter. I have lost a total of eight babies. There are two questions that have been asked that dont need to be. Jeremiah 1:5 - "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..". My little boy has changed me in so many ways, before he even really had a chance to live. I had never felt pain like thatlike the world stopped. I did a series about miscarriage on my blog and included a post about how friends and family can help. a I appreciated so much when people didnt ignore it, but just showed love and compassion. He loves our babies far more than we ever can. The thing you need to realize is, no person will ever be the same person as they were in this world in paradise. In some ways I still question it. I am so sorry for your loss, Wes! He lived for a week so I know what its like to watch your child die. As time goes on, I know (Heaven is Real) that my other son is waiting for me in Heaven, and I dont want him to be without a name. A friend, who is moving here to share life with us, is due with her sixth at the exact same time I would have been due. It was the hardest thing Ive physically been through (and I have twins), even harder mentally. It hurts because I miss my daughter every single day. Offer to bring a meal or even just a loaf of bread (or ask me if there is anything I need from the store). Invite us to your baby showers. That scripture has helped me tremendously in my loss, I hope it provides you with some form of comfort too. All I can think about is my lost child. She is also an author of English textbooks, based on the teachings of the Quran (currently under editing), and creative director of a Tafseer app for kids (soon to be launched InshaAllah). and they all will be waiting for us until we can join them. What risks are you taking when "signing in with Google"? refers to a small creature that lives in ponds. I was walking on sunshine! We have been on the adoption register for over 5 years and now trying for long term foster care. It was a cold, calculating experience where the nurse and doctor bantered back and forth as if this was everyday occurrence. The second miscarriage was easier to deal with, but just as heartbreaking. The pain is still there. Its been a rough time especially for our two oldest children (7 and 8) as they have a 15 month old sister and they knew exactly what should happen. Thank you for making me feel not as alone. What is Wario dropping at the end of Super Mario Land 2 and why? And I just could not understand, Seven months of love you gave me As someone who has also lost a baby several hours after birth, you said it SO well! And everyone grieves differently. I thought I needed to hold it together for my other children, my family, my friends. Feeling sorry for myself never gets me anywhere good. I always said I wanted three and lately Ive really want to try for another one but my husband isnt on board. Why? Every year on the day we lost him we plant forget-me-nots. We have one son who is nearly 10, and after years of fertility issues had finally conceived a second child last fall and then in January he died. I am trying to keep my faith and it is hard. This verse has brought me comfort: Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. al-Ilal, 3.272 and by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, Why don't we use the 7805 for car phone chargers? The open wounds in my heart will always be there. He gives, He takes. as children at the time of resurrection, recompense and reckoning, and even How could you have forgotten that Ive been through this before! hubby was busy with his family and I was crying and crying trying not to be heard. WebThe signs of your pregnancy, such as nausea and tender breasts, will fade in the days after the miscarriage. I can honestly say those have been the most painful comments Ive received. My husband, who I was texting, oblivious to his pain, came straight home to take care of me instead of following his routine. It doesnt bring him back, but to his family it tells them that yes, I know, he did have a life and his soul is eternally ongoing. People dont know that fast hair growth shampoos (obviously without any sulfates, parabens or DEA) exist. Ive lost at least three early to miscarriage and I also lost my son, Peter, to stillbirth at 41 weeks, 2 days. After my eldest daughter, I miscarried 2 babies at 12 and 10 weeks. I am so sorry that lady said that to you. He purpose was just short lived on Earth. I know there nothing that I could do to prevent his death. What Id like to see is more compassion. I agree with acknowledging that the baby was there. I was about 38 weeks. Sometimes a woman just needs a reminder that it is NOT her fault. Her doctor put her on a new medication to induce ovulation. I lost two babies, both at 16 weeks. It took months for me to realize that Micah is waiting for me in Heaven and this sister needed her own name. More information She was so happy when she said oh honey your baby is there and is very much alive. I had my first miscarriage yesterday at 10 weeks 4 days. When we drove away from the hospital the next day I bawled. It took me awhile to be able to talk about it, but I can now and Im so thankful that I have friends who will let me talk about it. I will offer resources, such as the book by Dr. Jack Hayford, Ill Hold You in Heaven. I will encourage others to do the same, especially those who call themselves pro-life. A lot of people didnt know what to say, which I get, so they didnt say anything. Ive had some miscarriages and have gone through loss through adoption. 786, Faydul Qadir, Hadith: 2010 andfootnotes of Shaykh Muhammad Awwamah on Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah, Hadith: 12008), HadithAnswers.com is a site that seeks to serve the Muslim World by attending to queries that pertain to the Noble Traditions of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). I think one of the most important things you can do when speaking to someone who has lost a baby to Heaven is to be sincere, understanding, and kind. Kandle, I have 24 year old g/b twins, and my son had an identical for 12-16 weeks. To those friends of someone dealing with loss, offer to help them specifically. She panicked but rationalized shed been doing lots of lifting with her children and made mental note, to let hubby do the lifting. Thank you for this, for caring and wanting us mamas with children in heaven to know you care. Id try to explain to my friends and family my anxiety and that I was scared and worried, their response? Thank God her mom called her back and she listened. I just said a prayer for you and your wife. My one friend has talked about me coming to KY to fish and that was one of the most important conversations Ive had with anyone so far. It would be nice to have them recognize that my baby is still my child, even if I didnt even know the gender, or ever get to hold it. Take her family meals. Psalm 139 says the Lord saw my unformed body in my mothers womb and my frame was not hidden from Him in that secret place and all my days were ordained before one of them came to be. It taught me, however that no two losses are the same and even if I am talking with someone who had a loss at 1,20, or 21 weeks they have their story and feelings and I have mine. Its exactly like Tannis, Julie and Amanda said for me. In Jannah, every Muslim would maintain the height similar to Adam (AS), which was 90 feet (60 arms). Another set of friends came by washed the dishes and have our 22 month old her bath because my husband and I couldnt find the energy to do it. The medical profession has failed me/us abysmally, abysmally. I think the important thing to remember is, we all have a story so, be kind w your words and actions. Islam Q&A. So I start my journey on this path with this unwieldy, unyielding cross alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ who are bearing their own crosses. That has gotten only a little better. Narrated by Ibn Abi Haatim with his isnaad. Thank you. We have been educating people for years about how to respond to a womans pain over the loss of a baby and we will continue to do so. She was due Christmas day. But Im waiting for you here. In Jannah can I get to be white? We didnt do anything permanent thank God. I am so sorry for your loss, Liz. I wish Id have had someone to do those things for me and to just be there with me. Thank you for your sensitive and honest thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing you story, Theresa. Partager. A few years later the same friend suffered 3 miscarriages in a row. I have not even had a miscarriage. Its hard. The hurt you have endured is much greater than the temporary pain of childbirth. My first two months werent so good I was bleeding a little here and there so we all expected a miscarriage but shockingly that didnt happen my doctor was sure that everything was good. Talk with family, friends or a counselor if youre feeling overwhelmed or need Then, one day, quite suddenly it seemed, she found out she was carrying child number four. And not say things like, Maybe its better since you and your husband are having problems. In general, the risk of miscarriage is much lower once the pregnancy has reached this point and a fetal heartbeat has been detected. I miscarried at 10 weeks and the physical effects of the miscarriage were incredibly difficult. and they are not prevented from doing so just as children in this world are I mean, I can never know for sure. I dont see how that excuses what they did. I didnt know how i would be able to take care of both of them on my own. I dont know what their personality would be. I miscarried his twin at 12 weeks. god bless. This was perfect, very well said. Still my child). It touches me more than you will ever know, when I see ladies (both mamas and women who havent had babies yet), who yearn to minister to my mamas heart, and just dont know how. 71 Windsor St, Salisbury, SP2 7EA, UK, Reward a Mother Gets After Miscarriage in Islam. She started Keatons Candle as a way to deal with her grief.. Every year on August she has a candle lighting and prayer vigil for babies lost and for expectant mothers. I cry every day for my Danny, but I force myself to get out of bed and function. That was narrated by al-Allaamah Ibn al-Qayyim from Ali ibn At this point in her other pregnancies her babies had been moving. Thank you for you post, so beautiful and touching. But it was a frightening experience because, really, I felt like I lost a baby right there. I am praying healing and wholeness and peace for you right now. We can move on, but we dont forget. 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. http://thebiblicalfamily.wordpress.com/2013/03/01/miscarriage-the-family-friends/, Also, me and 13 other bloggers got together and compiled our stories into an ebook to offer hope and healing to other women. I just cant seem to have much sympathy for my friends in their moving. I have heard that miscarried children will drag their mothers towards janat. But it is also said that those unborn babies must have attained the age of 4 months or above because soul is put in it. It means when your child goes to kindergarten, were remembering our children who should be there and arent; when your child makes his first soccer goal, were thinking of little feet that never had the chance to run; when your child finishes high school, were wondering what our lost little one would have become; when your child marries, has babies, and flourishes, we think with a pang of one long gone who shouldnt be gone. I began to realize I was so distracted and unable to concentrate that I was getting lost while driving. Dont forget about Dad. And I had stopped feeling my boy move. Some said it was just a fetus that hurt. They are listening. Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with HopeAfter Miscarriage and Loss. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. I lost a baby last year at 7 weeks, and after having talked to many other women about it (including mother-in-law who lost twins at 34 weeks) Ive come to the conclusion that any way you lose a baby is heart breaking. He repaired the broken area, cleaned it out so it wouldnt get infected, put His healing balm on it, and bound it up. I kept the card and still have it in a memory box I made for my baby. Is there a ceremony with a pastor? I had (still do) a lot of grief and anger to deal with. Dont treat the baby as if it were a pink elephant in the middle of the room that know one can talk about. All she dreamed of, was being wife and mom to 4 beautiful, well-adjusted children. We have also gone through 2 failed surrogacies. My normal is very different if it can even be considered normal! The comments of well, at least you have 3 beautiful kids has been the most hurtful. Always. Even if theyve never held there baby or got to hold their child lifeless in their arms, that woman became a mother the moment she heard the news They lift my shirt and rub my belly and I have to remind them that the baby went to heaven. Even after it was all over and I was handed my sons lifeless body to hold, I was sure God would bring him back. There might be nothing you can do and I might not feel like talking, but it will be reassuring to know that I can call you if I need anything. Allah subhanahu wa taala gives us the best example to follow when faced with a situation like this. Required fields are marked *. Thank you, Erin, for this post. And I also experienced people making me feel like Im not a mother or my child was just a chemical pregnancy but thats just not true. All I could do was hold him for a few hours and leave the hospital without him. She was born into this world alive and I had people say see, I told you everything would be OK as if there was no justification for my fear and anxiety. I think the best thing to me would be for people to validate a precious important life was lost. People seem to think mentioning it somehow makes it worse for the mom. And I know. Id have loved to stay here with you It makes me feel alone. Also narrated by al-Haythami I have not been through a miscarriage myself so I just looked for opportunities to talk with them about it. think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. Admit your parents to Paradise. So he will drag them with his umbilical cord and admit them into Jannah. I had never even processed the fact that they made caskets so small before I, myself, had to buy one. Although my body healed fairly quickly after I had surgery the next month, my heart was forever altered. You already have children. And He knew what was on the other side of death!! She believes in the power of words and hopes that her articles will positively impact all of her readers. By this time, our money supply was done. There is a difference of opinions on the interpretation of the hadiths on this topic. Here is a link to a great list of what you should and should not say to someone who has lost a baby. I had already had a one and a half year old boy and now another on the way, from a different father. If there was a baby, then that baby is safe with God now up in Heaven and one day youll get to meet him or her.. The spotting, which shed never encountered before! She acknowledged my pain, the fact that I am a mother and that it must be difficult to be friends with people like her who have so many children Then she hugged me, cried with me and told me she loved my babies. This OB is now performing abortions thank goodness she is no longer losing any more full term babies. 6496. Abi Taalib (may Allah be pleased with him) and from al-Hasan al-Basri (may I was advised to go home Someone asked me if it was hard. The hell Im not. He was grieving, too, and I think its too common for dads to be overlooked when there is a miscarriage. Something that really helped me to deal with our loss was talking about Dakota. My mom took my 6 older kids and my husband rushed me to the hospital. I wouldnt stop bleeding and was so weak I had to crawl to the car. We were devestaded. We had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I lost my 2nd and 3rd child but I always say I say I have 2 children but now I will say I have 4 children. I felt like I was leaving a piece of myself behind. Mark special days with us, like Mothers Day, babys birthday and/or angelversary. Its awful. We told the kids and all of our families. I would not blame you at all for putting yourself on bedrest. I learned a lot personally through this horrible time in my life, but one thing I learned is how to better help other women going through miscarriage. Dont hide your enthusiasm for your own pregnancy or little ones, but love on us and hug us when it makes us feel sad. 20469, Source: People constantly asked me was my fianc and I going to try again. Being someone of stronger faith now, I would have liked to have heard the term born into heaven its so much more comforting than anything else Ive heard (so thank you for that). Support them with your prayers, give them space if they need it, but mostly just love them through it. I wont try to ask God why? because Im convinced He does things we will never fully understand until we get to Heaven. I had a chemical pregnancy as well and just lost my baby at 4 weeks.. its extremely hard to deal with and my gynecologist said as he walked out the door dont worry youre still young and Ill deliver you when you do get pregnant I was pregnant and he just didnt see it as that.. its so hard because my family is harsh and wont see the baby as a baby. I hemorrhaged and required emergency surgery after a very traumatic delivery at home, so I had physical and emotional trauma after the fact. 1) Sayyiduna Ali (radiyallahu anhu) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: The miscarried fetus will plead with its Rabbif his parents are admitted to Jahannam. <3 I hope this post ministers to you. My Lilah survived. But here are a few that are at the top of my list. As much as I want him here with me, it is so so much better up there. Im simply more excited because I know that after I die I still get to meet my precious baby in heaven. Forever altered, now I know to send cards, notes of encouragement, drop a phone call to a mom who has lost her precious child. Ive resigned myself to that. I was in the living room my mom told her. after. I have 2 babies here (ages 4 and 6) that I adore, and the pain of losing the other children still hurts. Your post helps to acknowledge the pain and it feels like it take bricks off of my back that I have been carrying! And then I received the phone call. End quote. Ive had two miscarriages we lost our first and third children. Be there for the mom and let her cry and whatever else she needs to do. We knew he wouldnt live long, but didnt anticipate he would pass during delivery. She needed to know what was happening. I have learned you have got to let the parents come to religious conclusions on their own or to them you are saying God wanted their baby to die. I was terrified until I reached about 20 weeks, and literally did nothing in that whole time. What to Expect supports Group Black and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. You have lost a child. So sweet Mother dont you sorrow WebA scan the next day showed that my baby had indeed died, but was still inside of me. Hugs, Mama! Definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done. I had only known for a few days that i was pregnant. It sounds harsh but some people feel that its not a really a baby until x amount of time into the pregnancy. He asked me if this was my first pregnancy, when I said that I had had a positive home test then had crazy bad bleeding and cramps a week later he said to me.