The relationship will fail if you think that "dropping hints" or describing your needs in vague terms is enough to get your point across. This is something perhaps to think about in trying to find a psychologist that will test adults, and what level you are on. Rather than getting upset by this, I recommend practicing acceptance. Went to a specialist Doctor to be assessed and tested. No. After working with both populations, it is fair to say that people on the Spectrum are vulnerable to NPDs and it is best to educate society on the behaviours of those with NPDs. Im not sure if what I have written will help but I hope so even if its just a little. Through his questions and suggestions and understanding and friendship, and also through reading a book by Alice Miller that he recommended, I came to a new understanding, not only of my case, but at the same time of the whole human condition, mental health in general, suffering in general, why there are wars, why real love is so rare, and so on. Thank you so much for your comments on this website! So i could spend all year giving all the examples that proves my point.. no therapist or psy ever acknowledged my story. Shes not trying to be mean. I am VERY easy to wind up, tease and upset which absolutely delights the more sadistic narc. But what Im getting here is we should be more understanding and more patient in dealing with aspie partners because their shortcomings actually point to a developmental disorder. Just.. to not be under attack 24/7 all year long is such a relief i am.. I do care about him because I think he has a problem and maybe cant help himself but its getting tiresome. Hes extremely intelligent, honest and dependable. A few times he said I was a good person. Narcissism, according to the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, includes somethough not necessarily allof the following features:. Broken mirrors: A theory of autism. I been rich, my family is rich and it never made anyone happy. It is liberating to understand the situation and adjust yourself accordingly rather than expecting the situation to adjust to you. They would constantly say im evil and i ruin everyones life and i believed them but the facts were not adding up. My ex husband was a narcissist bordering on psychopathic. Break up and never look back. Can you see your loved ones symptoms in either column? Then i was disabled and sent home for life where my parents would try more than ever to finish me off. They dont understand that if you are in a hospital, you must care help.. thats YOUR JOB. I dont have aspergers but my daughter does. You have to change yourself, of course with Gods great help and leading. I wonder myself, as I learned eventually to to tap into my mothers sanity, albeit temporarily, which was a gift in itself. We married at the age of 22 and had 4 beautiful children together. Autism and a Narcissistic Personality Disorder could suit him? What you are saying definitely makes sense. His main source was Jacques Ellul and his manifest was totally coherent. I wonder too about Aspies growing up with narcissistic parent. Another idea, is to step back from your life and look at it from an outsiders point of view. As I look at the descriptions of each in this article, what behaviours of each look like in everyday life, it is not as clear cut as it is often made out to be. He is capable of being quite charming when he wants to be and has three lady friends who think he is wonderful. People with mental disorders, sicknesses and what not they are not going so bad because of their own the world.. society.. narcs.. healthcare.. everyone is set to destroy them and finish them off directly or indirectly pushing them to suicide. He sure as hell wasnt schizophrenic. No one backstab me or do things that enable me to get into much deeper trouble. University of California, San Diego. I am obsessed with fairness, transparency and understanding the rules of play. She now feels much better about herself and her anxiety levels have gone down somewhat. I think you have just left a great piece of information. As regards your husband, step back, take a good look, you will soon work out if hes worth it or not. Some people just repeat research finding, as if this kind of research would be well informed lol. Hope this helps. This happened at a hospital school in the late 1950s where he was sent away to for six months. I guess we choose our own poison. No empathy! There are getting to be a lot of predators out there who are weak-willed and have no self-control. I would think generally no, by definition, those with asperger's could not also be narcissistic. So how could i tell? I am an advocate for marriage, I believe in it and I greived greatly when my marriage ended. I wonder if Im attracted to this kind of person because I understand and feel so much for them. All men, whether having pituitary damage or nor are already in a testosterone-diminishing environment, and testosterone gets lower with age. I cannot be subordinate to anyone, not even to try and fit in or to climb the ladder. But Im not so sure this is correct for those on the autism spectrum. Why would there not be any DSM explanation for people having autism doing something shitty or is the 1-sided autism made him/her do it? I can prove all my allegations, its the sad truth that more than just me live. He was always right and I was wrong (even when I wasnt). I hope Ive explained it so you can understand what I am trying to say. I have three GREAT kids. and that is, yes, the non-biochemical, non-material aspects and also non-spiritual I also believe I am Autistic (currently undiagnosed). The book if anyone is interested is Look Me In the Eye. Most libraries have it and most bookstores. My brother stopped communicating with me. Here are some tips: If you are with a person with a personality condition such as narcissism, then you may have similar unfulfilled relationship issues, as well as the added bonus of emotional abuse. Im in a 30 year relationship with an empathic woman who is just wonderful. From what you have said I can see a certain amount of manipulation going on. Hell put bible verses all over, and goodie two shoes verses on his wall in his office, like when Im home, Im not at home etc. He had been three times married too. I care about him and dont like pointing these things out to him as he says I look to make big deals out of nothing, they go on the list so now Im beginning to wonder about myself. I apologise for this being so long, but its a huge subject with a lot of traps for the unwary. Yet they can really convince people they are the nicest, caring, FUN people you would want to spend time with. 7. So i would not choose my friends/gf they were chosing me. I try to be as humble and honest as i can but in our world the narcs are everywhere and they abuse it everytime they can so i had to change. I feel there are no two individual people in this world that are the same or lets say I have never met them, but then I am no expert on this. Big thanks for that. I thought the list was a bit one-dimensional and generalizing, in fact. Nobody will valorize or say good things so i have to. I realized he does have some aspects of Aspergers but more of narcissism. Im sure there are probably more issues with this article. This article is disappointing. Take charge of your own life. I felt guilty and sad that he didnt tell me about his difficulties, but not sure I could have coped with it on an intimate level anyway. I want to share my home with my loved ones but he makes it so unconfortable I have to do this outside of my home. There are also VICTIM Narcissists. Before anyone says does it matter which label he has or if he has one at (because I do get these questions so please dont think I am being rude or aggressive). Yes both types are egocentric and lacking in empathy but it seems to me the motives and methods are almost completely opposite. People can tolerate some poisoning in the above or they can tolerate being in anti-social clean environments but they can not do both Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. He has recently come to terms with the fact he may have high functioning autism. 10. Break up and never look back. They all believed that i had a magical power like a jedi and that for me everything in life was easy and that if i didnt achieve anything so far it wasnt because of theeir help or because of all my life struggle, nope i was just LAZY. This doesnt always mean divorce but you do have to develope self worth in spades. Like looking through real glass and not the rose coloured kind. are happy, it makes me happy. The reason Im relating this is because whether a person is Autistic or otherwise they are people!!!! All my efforts to improve my situation.. bring.. results.. finally! Six months ago I had a friendship with a chap who, now I believe, is on the Autistic/Narcissistic spectrum displaying unusual behaviour from time to time. So all of his behavior never made sense to me. My husband has some from both but primarily Narcissism but just got diagnosed in 1 hour for Asperger. Even if they are not identical, they can co-exist. Observe his real behaviour without your emotional attachment. 5. This was not who I was and came to a pivitol point around that time, as I felt deep misery. For example, my husband does understand social interaction, uses silent treatment and guilt to manipulate me, and I have learned that I can most definitely not say no. She has gained a great deal from some of the information and has been able to relate to information in these non fiction books. Just a true scientist in the tradition of Dee Bacon Plato etc We do not lack empathy, we have great intuition altho it can be difficult for us to understand it, and some of us are definitely sensitive. A hug for you because I think you need one, and I hope you can rise above all this to a better life. Yes, they are as varied in character as other folk. I understand medication is a great deal better these days, but would it have made a difference back then, I doubt it. Im trying to understand my boyfriend of one year. His relationship with his Dad was very questionable. But there is a big difference from one who knows he/she needs help and one who thinks he/she has all the answers and is always right, because they want to cover up their demons. underneath them. Another factor in his behaviour is that he is affected mentally by being disabled and unable to do much except sit around. He can repeat a story so many times I have it memorized. Im not a therapist and dont profess to be one. (2005, April 18). I was partner of person with high functioning Aspergers for 18 years. I felt by explaining the above, it could help in knowing what level youre on to know how to handle it. I mean other than my pure grades, the behavior of all the important people around me outside my family says a lot. Usually children of abusive or inadequate parents and have to learn to survive growing up, perhaps without protection or guidance of any kind. I believe his Dad AND Grandfather were the same controlling, hurtful type of people. it does seem possible to have both or at least traits of both. If you think you or a loved one may have both bipolar disorder and autism, it's important to understand how the conditions appear together. I did VERY well considering my start in life. I have a daughter that is Level 2 on the Autism spectrum. The last one disappeared somehow, I noticed, when I began to recover from the 2nd 2015 breakdown. Thats how i dealt with previous therapist that was trying to destroy me same way as my mother was.I had to write down her acitons and words in a general email to the healthcare departmet where she was working to have them and her figure she had fucked up. So if i know how to get rich, i have the abilities to, why would i envy others success? but regularly interrups whatever I am doing to demand attention NOW. Advices for someone in relationship with narcissist: I had to have my own money and life, interests, friends. functional) neurologist or neuroscientist I was not looking for another relationship and did not date other men as I thought I had had my chance at marriage. Ofcourse that didnt help make my life easier haha can you believe a ADHD senstiive autistic child in a family of cold-hearted monsters They wanted me to shut up but i jsut wouldnt. In this DVD the doctor admits to his ideas about Aspergers being wrong after meeting a very successful man who had it, but had the help of two very competent secretarys to help run his business. And I also feel he could dump me with one wrong word. Apparently it had been a nightmare situation for some years till they worked out where this young fellow was coming from. Once they knew how his mind worked the parents put in strategies on ways to handle him and get him back down to their level. This disrupts her organised thought patterns and she goes into meltdown. Life is smoother now I know where she is coming from. All I suggest Jean, is that you do as much research on both these subjects as possible to put you own mind at rest. He made me cut ties with a lot of my friends shortly after we got together, because of them being aware of my sexual past, because of him feeling ashamed of me, and being associated with someone whod done certain things. Attracting people outside your own age group is an Asperger's trait. also, autistic people, like every other type of human being, ARE capable of intentionally hurting the feelings of their loved ones. Now, Im older than him and odds are he will be left with the house, but it annoys me he puts nothing into it. And i checkmark some of boths. I dont feel scared or anything and he usually storms out and drives to him mums 17 miles away, returning in two or three hours. She literally panic on me day after day sayng its mafia money i need to lose asap its dangerous! Good luck but definitely question his actions in your own mind if you feel they are not right. Furthermore, many on the autistic spectrum are hyper-empathic and hyper-feeling, and if you speak with autistic people, you would know that. He is a generous man and good fun to be with but six months was a short time to evaluate the relationship. What can I do to help put some balance in this situation? Its just that they are not equipped to figure all i could, and the society itself is built to protect narcs and not the opposite. It is unlikely, for an individual to be both autistic and narcissistic. Who says Autism isnt normal as it has to be normal for an Autistic person doesnt it, and how does a sufferer explain these difficulties to a prospective partner. Some pretty disturbingly backwards and stereotyped views are portrayed here and really need amending, I.e empathy and sensitivity . What? I suggest walking away from those you dont, and dont give in to the guilt trip that you feel bad because you havent seen them, or some other guilt you feel. Break up and never look back. Rescuing the Inner Child: Therapy for Adults Sexually Abused as Children I have no control over thiis as its the decision of the individual to decide for themselves. He listens to me more and I take this as his caring more or me just learning to interject. 9. That is a topic I will probably never find the answers to, because I finally lashed out at her in an unforgivable way after she ripped my heart out for the last time. He is a truly great person to me just not to others. He came from a very isolated situation where he was taught only to depend on himself and never ask to borrow or lend off anyone else. Their maturing process is made up as they go along because there is no alternative. Lol cauz if narcs feed of peoples misery i dont. ), general poisoning mould, pesticides, F-, pharma, do I need to add heavy metals and Aluminium to all this?? I liked him a lot and have a lot of experience regarding mental illness due to growing up with a parents affliction, but this I hadnt encountered. He found it fascinating and helpful. I was not doing much things wrong but they were piling up horribles moves that i started calling out. He was talking one day about his job and pedophiles came up and I mentioned Id been molested as a child. Forgive my writing, im pretty rubbish at Grammar etc. So I have had my time pulling my hair out and being hugely frustrated and desperate for an answer how to handle her. It has brought me to a place where I find myself valuating my life, my relationships. The World and technology is moving so fast and many of us are not equipped to deal with it at all, and not because we arent willing. I didnt consider narcissism but some of those traits fit too. However the Blind person cannot fathom how they know so much about it, so he gets up and eventually fumbling feels the statue lifts it, the texture, centre of gravity and many extra details you get from that sort of examination ( please pretend everyone else didnt notice the blind guy doing this) The blind guy tries to contribute to the conversation but no one relates to what hes talking about, because they have only observed the colour appearance and possible texture. Ugh. I did this to get my head around my ex (who was a psychopath) and asked myself, would I walk past him in the street, and the answer was yes. You have to live your own life and have your own friends with these satanically possessed individuals. I watch everyone outside .. its a free-for-all in the world. Psychopaths, autism, empathy, and mirror neurons. What I do need to add to this is even more obvious that say, dont put Hg and Al into people By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. They say narcissists and sociopaths prey on nice people and people with compromising mental conditions. I hope you and your brother find ways through, may you both find, in your different lives, peace and love. I honestly dont know if I would bother with therapy if not for the potential to help improve my marriage as we both move into our middle age (which Ive heard can be a turning point for many/most). I have been with my partner for more than 12 years now. I feel there is something not right here, some kind of personality disorder which led me to your article on Aspergers. Im too strong of a person to let the pain and frustration linger for too long; but at the moment my curiosities are running on high, high octane searching for answers given the information and memories I have of our brief relationship. I read the 2 columns.. autism vs narc. I can see it as a survival strategy but I have realised I need to take responsibility for the relationships I agree to get involved with and this has nothing to do with the narcissist as a relationship has to have agreement and if a participant is taken advantage of its a lifes lesson to take seriously. I am so pleased that you have managed to have a good relationship with your mother. I do not understand why people do not play fair or how anyone could willing hurt or gain pleasure from deliberately hurting another human being. He never asks how I am, and only asks what I think about something to help him make a decision, because hes incapable of making them. We have a good relationship, and she has a learning disability which makes me learn more towards autism, but there are some glaring narcissistic traits as well. I made that decision and Im the happiest Ive been in all my life. The Aspergers description is clumsily written and inaccurate. I think I may be a Narcissist/Sociopath. I look back now and the courage it took for me to end it was beyond me and something I have not ever regretted. If it werent that hes antisocial and gives me the silent treatment through the week in his office, I couldnt survive, since we are both largely at home. Since they were all teaming up on me, i had no allies, i had no help. All these children DO NOT exhibit full blown narcissism as my ex partner did. I experienced a narcissistic marriage for 38 years and was on the bottom rung of the ladder when I made the decision to get help. I had to tell him 3 different occasions the same thing before he realized what I said and was surprised. Women with Aspergers over 40 are driven to GET AWAY from what they don't like doing. I was never expecting her to call bank and release the other 5k in 15 minutes??? I never solved it, it just wasnt there any more. people with autism are not identical in their behavior. Hehe. Very interesting. I was out of food not sick or going mentally bad! They live in an extended family, not in virtual worlds online without real contact, eye contact, touch, smiling, day light. He says theres no sex and professes confusion as to why that would bother me. I was able to return to almost good health after eliminating pre made and eating fresh and foods with no additives. However, it is generally agreed that aspergers can be a comorbid condition with narcissism, meaning that someone can have both aspergers and narcissism. I am peaceful, i dont work against others. I have a 32 year old daughter who still lives with me and has high functioning autism, her personality is nothing like his was. When a person is neurodivergent, it means that their brain learns and processes differently than people who are considered neurotypical. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. If you are worried about the mental health of yourself or someone you care about, prioritize it. This took a toll on me after 20 odd years and dealing with the lack of self worth he so graciously gave to me, I ended up becoming someone I didnt particularly like, value or relate to at that stage, my self asteem was at an all time low, this was in 2007 and I was 43 years old, at this stage I was not wearing my wedding rings and I was now quite self absorbed and looking mainly at my own needs. So when looking at the so called normal people, how many different traits are there? My family story is full to the brim with the human condition and how it can impact the members of an afflicted family. If this fellow you have been seeing does have Aspergers as you mentioned he watches the same movie over and over, you will need to learn as much as you can about the condition to be able to understand how to handle someone with it. I have set myself boundarys as far as her stepping into my personal life, and I am the one who has to step her back if she over reaches, because she just feels she is trying to sort it. Joanna. Im not perfect either but telling him my point of view or that you feel left out or asking for the same emotional support I give him (my daughter is going through tremendous health problems) shouldnt be called a lecture. Hes just not interested. I figured early that things were wrong, my parents, brothers and other members of my family were doing/saying things that are horrible often totally illegal. That was 10 days ago. He has refused to look on property websites because its too stressful, and hes fed up of seeing the same old crap but then the minute he gets stressed accusing me of not doing enough to find us a home, caring too much about being cheap, and that Im selfish. Great info! The world changed in the last 2 years Have you seen? Our grandson has a milder case but enough where you can tell he is in his own wonderful world. Step back and really take a look at him. Lol but heh who knows. He contacted me about having a coffee however I made him wait for a couple of months, i just wasnt ready. I did some research in order to give justice to this topic. Research and study personality conditions and learn to have, Goulston, M. (2011, November 17). Do You Have Aspergers Or Narcissism? Theres likely been more erronously diagnoses in history. The narcissist harms other people because they are harmed themselves. I get silence which is painful to me but caused by his inability to communicate. Learn how they behave, think ahead of time to protect myself from future attacks to my safety etc. This doesnt happen as much now . Aspergers is now spoken of as high functioning autism and is not labeled as narcissism. One woman explained her narcissistic partner so well and all the things that had been happening to her and how she had such a guilt complex, that I could see my situation and this was a turning point in my life as well. It certainly has taints of narcissism. Hi My name is Jenny. Does he do horrible things, yes. I dont want to be selfish but I also need to know how do I have a voice in these situations? 1- they had food, 2- i had asked that therapist to be registered to food bank in case for months she knew.. so no she was not bringing me anywhere. And then on the flip side again, he definitely sits on the pity pot and blames others. For the narcissist it is always about themselves and in a very selfish manner. But its hard to feed from happiness these days.. everyone is so in the dark :( . I try my best with them but my psy is a narc the type of my father (he physician boss in healthcare) and my therapists most are narcs too the weak ones like my mother. I however also suspect him of being a narcissist. After 5 days of texts on and off telling me he wasnt feeling good (he did have a cold) and then not returning a phone call when he said he would, I very nicely wished him well and said goodbye. if I may add it to this reply. What I have learned is he is who he is and he will never change. Time has passed since I wrote those comments and I can say the journey to recover from the relationship with that afflicted person has been very difficult. When we watch TV, films etc. Because of the similarities between Asperger's and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there is frequently confusion. I am just reading this, but I an a grown woman who has just been diagnosed with ASD level 1 (Aspergers) and I have a sibling who I believe to be a narcissist. He is very intelligent man but I wonder sometimes if hes not on a spectrum somewhere. For one thing, both are on a spectrum. Dont expect them in your relationship with the person with narcissism. He talks in monologues which can go on for hours. I am at last feeling more stable, and Im certainly more aware, and hope, some day, to use ALL of my brothers and my experiences for the good of poorl metal health sufferers and therapists alike. 3. i also dont need somebody to teach me to be different like im some sort of showdog; if somebody feels that i need to act different, that feeling should be expressed during a calm confrontation in which both sides are allowed to express their needs so we can come to an agreement. Plus not sensitive and insensitive are the same thing, so I dont really get why you didnt just use the same word. They are capable of approaching you. Yes they may not realise that their emotions confuse the more normal people, but they do have a certain amount of empathy. Sociopathy or its synonym Psychopathy is not listed as a mental disorder, instead these personality traits are covered within the diagnosis of APD. That said, she was abusing me over an extended period of time whether it was High-functioning Autism, NPD, BPD, ASPD, C-PTSD, Substance addiction, or any number of combinations of these conditions. I asked him if it was over and he said hed let me know. I never truly had gf or friends most were all narcs that had felt my weakness (my parents work on me made me behave like well, a weak formatted slave a perfect target for narcs). Not respecting boundaries. No more ongoing psychological/emotional problems. Well, finally after two + years with my boyfriend I finally got the courage to leave. Time and time again. He drives 20 miles to see me, we used to take turns but now I cant go to his house anymore because of the dog. ! And end up leaving a 12,500$ limit credit card on my kitchen table.. in case of emergency ffs she had done the same 10 years before by making me have a 10,000$ student loan i didnt even need or asked for that she made me have after i succeeded 1st year of college and my family started to panic at the idea that i could finish my degree and turn against them so i spent summer working where she lives and have her work my brain for 3 months to end up destroying me just before i go back to school.. with 5,000$ in bank. People who seem to drain you most or all of the time. It took me a lot of book reading and watching DVDs to begin to understand where my daughter was coming from and it was very much of a relief to finally understand what I was doing wrong in the way I was handling her. Delilah Although I still dont believe he is. Someone, like a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath couldnt give a toss about pets and animals unless it benefitted them socially. As to empathy, that of course is the ability to put yourself in another persons situation (or shoes ! ) Am saying that all these DSM inventions, are real yes, but not as these frauds explain them. I have cut all ties with him. Elizabeth he is a narcissist, I lived with one for 38 years and he almost destroyed me and his family in the process of trying to be in control. Perhaps stepping back from your family, husband and anyone else in your life, and trying to feel if they have good vibes (as my autistic daughter says) may allow you to find those you want in your life and those you dont. But hes manipulative & very Nasty, when we have words and always blames me for everything within the conversation , if I make a comment he takes it a derogatory comment towards him & after 25yrs Ive learnt how to word my comments, as I know he doesnt take the blame he has the ability to make you believe everything that said is my fault ( he was like that with his 1st wife ) but cannot see it .